the ramblings coming out from not-so-crybaby person

hi... it's been a long time since the last time i wrote some crap here lmao. kind of missing my routine as a blogger, tbh ;_; but what to do? tumblr and twitter are way more interesting

i'm writing this post in my dorm. yeah you read it right, a dorm. i'm gonna live my life for a year ahead in Bogor Agricultural University's girl dormitory. surprise surprise~

((oh heck i feel so flat, i lost my genuine smile not a long time ago.))

(((i want to cry so much. yep i do really want to. but i can't. i must not.)))

i thought living in a dorm would be fun, would be leaving such a pleasant impression, would be giving me new experiences. i know this is too early to say this but............ well i'm absolutely wrong.




Why? you must be questioning this out. Why? Why.
My room mates are.... they are... no, i mean, not all of them actually, there is one person in my room who obviously doesn't like me. Then another Why appears.
Why?
Why. Dammit WHY.

When i first came into my room, the placement of things were quite.... different from another rooms. My room got two brand new cupboards. The size is much wider yet shorter than the usual size of  cupboard in my dorm. That caused the difference of placement things. And this gave me such a loss,  why?

My table faced the wall, if i sat on it, the lights from the sun would be blocked by my own body. and it was reaaaallllyyyy uncomfortable. Also, one of two hangers in my room was blocked by the position of the bed. It made no use at all, meanwhile there are 4 persons living in this room! at least we have to make use of anything that has been given to all of us properly and efficiently, right? ah, forgot to be added, i got such a ~broken~ bed. the woods (as the base of the bed) were not align correctly and i had my mom to rearrange the woods. ((thanks Mom, i love you so much yes i do))

I also had my mom rearrange the room so my table (and my partner's table, too) would have sufficient lighting from the sun in the day. My mom rearranged some things, so now it looks like others' room. ((EXCEPT THE DAMN NEW CUPBOARDS, those didn't make it perfectly the same)). AAANNDDDD ONE OF MY ROOM MATES.......... she... doesn't like it. at all.

She brings her friends which are also our neighboors to our room and she said stuffs like, "look how uncomfortable it is now." and stuffs and she glanced at one of her friend which is the responsible person in my aisle and asked her a favor to help her moving some stuffs back to its original position--which was bring disadvantages to me.

Our freshly newly made relation has been worsened at the very beginning. She keeps making alliances. I feel like cornered.  ((hey i'm the new person here, what do you expect me to react? directly confront her in front of her friends? that is a stupid idea. i'm gonna make another enemies. ONE SHITTY PERSON IS ENOUGH. i don't need another one.))

I don't know if it's only me or.... yeah, i feel like i've been exiled by my other room mates.
I will survive. I told you. Yes I will.
no matter how much i cried in the dawn, how much i feel sick inside. how much i miss home. ((don't cry.)). how much i miss my sisters, my housekeeper ((don't fucking cry, dammit.))

i will survive.

sigh  at everything... it has only been 2 days only.