doesn't make sense

i get dreams of you.
even when i go blank, i get pictures of you flashing in my mind.
i get flashbacks, the ones where there are you and me in one frame.

this doesn't make sense, at all.
you know why, you do know the reasons.

hurts my heart.
flutters my heart.
do whatever you want, but please don't do the exact contradict actions at the same time just because,
just because i can't take it.

this doesn't make sense, at all.
because everything, everything is just happening to me.
you don't even get the same pain, do you?
you don't even feel the same tingling in your stomach, do you?
you exactly don't project the same visions i get.

you are the protagonist one here, in my little own drama.
that doesn't make sense.
and i still want you to be the main act here,
to hurt me down
to flutter me up
to be just you
just let me like you, and i will be content enough.
yes, this will never make sense.

one-sided crave

dormitory's farewell party was held today. i caught a glimpse of you. i swear to God i didn't even try to search you within the crowds. it just happened. i saw your back and you turned around--there, you. standing and smiling with all your glory, having no second thoughts whether those acts would melt me down right there on place.

seriously though, i said i wanted to move on, i stated that i would. but it seems the more i denied it the more i crave for you.

i unconsciously memorized your back, the length of your hair, the color of your skin. i unconsciously want to hear you calling my name, to hear your laugh, to hear my voice blending with yours.

i'm not unconsciously craving for you, because i'm perfectly aware that this is just one-sided

someday, someday

i think there is--even if it's small--a probability that he will come across this crumpled blog/trashy page of my twitter account and scrolling down everything until the very last page. reads every little thing i wrote, that i'm writing it now at the current moment.

reads what did i do on this date, on that time, in what month. what was my special occasion, what was being on my mind, what was bothering me. maybe he will also see all the stupid selcas i shared here. laughing and facepalming by himself. keeps trying to hold down the super wide grin forming on his fascinating face. perhaps, there is also time when he comes to wondering who is this guy i keep wailing for.

it is you.

you don't know just how much--at this moment--i want to scream until my throat becomes sore right in front of your face.

"all this time, it has always been you. after all this time and now it is still you."

every glimpse of you, you have no idea how much my knees become so wobbly. those seconds of staring contest between us, i should have told you how it is affecting my lungs. the portrait of your back that i could only admire secretly, hidden behind the girls at class who keep shouting admiration towards you.

you should have known how much i want you to hold the real conversation with me. how much i want to hear you calling my name. how is that going to sound from your mouth...

and by the way, i still clearly remember every conversation we made the chats. eventhough i keep closing and ending the history, my mind won't do the same.